Junk Yard Dog

By Jay | General

Jun 25

Junk Yard Dog Story

Sometimes in the world of “cyber-security”, hacking makes it possible for people to take over partial or even complete control of a website. Recently at Houston Auto Buyers we were hacked by the infamous “Junk Yard Dog.” Generally, you can eradicate any security breaches and resume normal operations within just a few days of the web assault, but not after the “Junk Yard Dog” leaves his mark… It is virtually impossible to remove the stench of the puppy pudding perpetrator. As a result of him “claiming his territory”, we were not able to properly scrub a few pages of content so we would like to apologize for the inconvenience.

The Junk Yard Dog’s Take on Crime Fighting Dogs:

Let me start by saying I’m a big fan of law enforcement and I support quality crime fighters like Under Dog, Deputy Dawg, Hong Kong Phooey, Superman’s Dog, Krypto and the “greatest dance of all danes” Scooby-Doo.(who technically is more like a mystery-solving dog, but he’s just so cool you have to include him in all dog related categories) I use the term, loosely, because you have your “animated challenged” group with Lassie, Rin Tin Tin, Toto and several others from tv and movies from like hundreds of puppy years ago, but those don’t count. We are also going to need to leave out the following:

  • Courage the Cowardly Dog – for lack of bravery
  • Pluto – for have a mouse as a master and just being too stupid to stand for anything.
  • Astro – the Jetson’s dog who you just can’t understand a word he says.
  • Dug – from the movie Up, just because they video makes me sad thinking about it.
  • Goliath – from the old cartoon with Davey for lack of animation prowess and slow diction.
  • Gromit – because he could never yell “fire” which makes him useless as a dog hero.
  • Huckleberry Hound – because of his loose affiliation with the PPP, (KKK to humans)
  • Brian – from family guy, he is so smart he hires these other mutts to do odd jobs for him.
  • Balto – for making a fake movie trying to look like a hero, not based on facts.
  • Bandit – for generally being in a cartoon that sucks with Johnny Quest and Haji.
  • Lucky – because Pound Puppies never counted anyway.
  • Mr. Peabody – of Rocky and Bullwinkle for being pompous-nobody got time for that.
  • Nana – retired and honored for time served in that whole Peter Pan mess.
  • All 100 and however many Dalmatians – just because they make me jumpy.
  • Odie – for conduct unbecoming a dog by being Garfield’s…flunky for lack of a nice word.
  • Goofy – because he makes too many people violent by wanting to choke him out.
  • Slinky Dog – for let himself slip and getting “rusty”, another sad Toy Story.
  • Spike – because no one liked the Rugrats, they just pretended.
  • Scrappy Doo – from the master Scooby, but got busted for underage drinking.
  • Tyke – the bulldog from Tom and Jerry, who is just too old to be drawn anymore.
  • Tramp and Lady – happily retired with their website selling dog spaghetti.
  • The Taco Bell Dog – because he makes me feel like I’m starving just hanging out.

 

That Dirty Little Secret Dogs Don’t like to Talk About at Pet Smart:

McGruff the crime dog – the catastrophe in cartoon canine crime-fighting “cred.” Sure, it may have started out innocently, a few extra biscuits from fans, but then people started noticing a pattern. Businesses who contributed biscuits never had any issues with arson, robbery, vandalism and other crimes. Those owners who did not cough up cookies for the shoe wearing sleuth, with the oversized dog head, experience a different kind of justice. Before long it eventually led to the largest public pinch on puppy predatory “pay for play” practices ever published. Billions of biscuits found in dog houses everywhere, an elaborate network of “border collies,” of course smuggling them in and out of countries. A seedy tale of countless mistresses and litters of hungry puppies left unattended by a selfless hound who had no heart beneath that trenchcoat. Here is some of his handy work… notice the veil type threat set by the mood of this extortion material disguised as a public service announcement.

VINTAGE 80’S MCGRUFF THE CRIME DOG PSA COMMERCIAL ABOUT KIDNAPPING Brought to You By The Junk Yard Dog

This commercial used to give me the creeps… I wanted to scream, “Run, Jenny, RUN!” Don’t stop and look in the car! I mean, “This is Jenny… but this is NOT Jenny’s dad.” The way he said that was s…

They always seemed to find them, just as soon as their parents paid with crates of gourmet dog treats. If it weren’t for the seemingly normal behavior of those returned to their parents, the malicious mutt would have been collared sooner. Therapists noticed patterns in children where they were suddenly clinging to house cats and crying and running from family dogs and even puppies. Extortion, kidnapping, illegal gambling on cartoon chicken fights, smuggling of pet treats. The once famous hound whose motto was “take a bite out of crime” was sentenced to life “in kennel” with only brief walks daily.